Fundamentals in educational skill development

Developing parenting skills

Raising and caring for children is not an easy task, and success in it is achieved with patience and effort, which is success and help from God first and foremost. If the crops must be plowed, watered, inspected, and removed from pests that threaten them, then education undoubtedly requires the same and more.

Educational skills in our current era are gaining special importance because of their role in light of the unified educational media that the media has mastered. Parents and those around the children are no longer the only educators in the educational arena. Television programs, electronic games, and social systems on the Internet have joined them in guiding the children and thus placed the parents in front of A major challenge that requires greater attention and wider readiness, and perhaps our topic on parental skills will be of help in achieving this readiness.

Parental skills arise from following a specific style of parenting methods, which may be the same methods that your parents used, or you may choose a distinctive style of your own. Things that will help you shape your educational style include:

1. To have readings on educational topics (books, educational magazines).

2. Discuss educational topics and situations with educators around you.

3. Participate in groups on the Internet, and register on sites that provide information and educational consultations.

4. Agreement between parents on common principles.

After determining your educational style, set your goals that you aspire to achieve in your children, then direct your attention to acquiring parental skills, which are the direct methods for determining the form of the relationship between you and your children. The following is an explanation of the most prominent parental skills that should be the goal of any aspiring educator:

• Setting expectations Parents' expectations of their children are often the cause of problem behaviors in children. Hence, before focusing on the child’s annoying behavior, it is necessary to focus attention on setting expectations, which can be done through the following stages:

First: Develop a strategy that depends on the parents’ background and educational goals on the one hand, and the characteristics and different natures of the children on the other hand. Here, three necessary things must be clarified so that we can set expectations that are achievable:

A- Clarifying expectations to the children: “We will go to the market to buy some things. We cannot stand in the toy store, and we will not be able to pass by the ice cream stand. Perhaps we will do that next time, but today I expect you to help me quickly select the fruits and vegetables we need.”

B- Verifying that children understand what is expected of them; “You will go out today with your friends. We have agreed on a time to return home, and what is it....?” The father asks the son, stressing that adhering to expectations is important to obtain permission to go out next time.

T-Is the required behavior within the child’s capabilities? Expectations must be determined in light of the characteristics of the children and their age stage. I saw a mother in the Prophet’s Mosque with a child in her second year. The scene in front of me was a little girl eager to get up, walk around, and explore what was around her, and a mother was holding the child’s hand with an iron grip to keep her next to her without moving, which caused the child distress. With her screaming, and the mother’s stress and excitement, it is unrealistic to expect a child in her second year to sit next to her mother quietly for more than five minutes. It was assumed that the child would be provided with means to occupy her time, and that time would be limited in a manner commensurate with the child’s age.

Second: Expressing expectations with words. Better yet, is to express them through role-playing. One of the funniest methods for this is what I experienced about my father, may God have mercy on him, where he used to make his hands two characters that represent and play a role to illustrate the desired behavior. The right hand represents a character who behaves positively and fulfills expectations, and the left hand represents the character. Which behaves negatively, and the topic to be clarified is presented, and the best way to clarify expectations is through actual behavior and the example that the parents provide through their behavior in situations. Every behavior or behavior that the children see from you is introduced into their behavioral program until it becomes part of their system of behavior and morals.

Third: To present expectations in a family meeting in which the family goes out to lunch and talk about the family’s expectations and agree to adhere to them. We explain to our children the behaviors they should reduce and the behaviors they should increase.

• Guidance: I will not mention guidance in language and terminology, but I will say in a procedural way that guidance means being present when children are confused and searching for information and answers, and the meaning of being present means having an open and receptive heart, and a spacious chest that welcomes their needs and directs their steps. Do not leave this task to others, do not Each of your children has a share of your time according to their ages and needs. You sense their trends, monitor their growth, and provide them with the information and experiences they need.

• Support and encouragement: Encouragement has the greatest impact in making the son feel that he is capable of doing what is best, unlike criticism, as human nature rejects criticism and closes the way for him to respond. If we take as an example a son who uses bad words a lot, then if you use the method of criticism and blame, you will say to him: “What? The worst of the words you use is that you don’t know how to choose your words? This is how you will always be of this manner, far from people’s hearts...” And if you follow the method of encouragement, you will say to him: “I remember when so-and-so started you and spoke harshly to you, and yet he could not get you out of your manners, I think. "You can choose and control your actions if you want." Thus, even if these positive situations are rare and few, it is good to use them to remind your son of his ability to discipline. Reminding him of mistakes and that they are constantly repeated makes him feel that he is very bad and that his situation is hopeless, so he is not motivated to change. An important application in this context is setting up a reward system for the child to enhance and support positive behaviors, the star system (setting up a plaque to reward the child with a star for every positive behavior) or other systems that exploit the situation to provide a direct moral or material reward, as it is one of the most powerful factors for consolidating positive behavior.

• Focusing on priorities: preparing children for life. The most important aspect of this preparation is developing responsibility. This is done by training him on tasks and responsibilities appropriate to his age from his early childhood, and encouraging and supporting him to complete the tasks and bear their burdens. Among the means that can be used is taking care of a pet, or arranging a dinner or dinner party. Other tasks, this must be done according to follow-up, attention, and the ability to learn from mistakes and not surround the child with a fence of protection that consists of taking the initiative to provide assistance for fear of making a mistake.

• Participation in interests: Be prepared to share their interests and make them feel your appreciation for them, and do not underestimate their importance no matter how small it may seem to you. It is an important starting point for entering their world, understanding their behavior, and arousing their cooperation. The beloved embodied this meaning for us in his sharing with the little child who was fond of a small bird with him, so whenever he saw it Make him feel that he shares his interest by asking him, “O Umair, what did the snoring do?” You often find a child who has taken a side and started watching those around him cautiously. So, if you approach him and know that he is interested in cars, for example, and ask him, “Did you see the Hummer that was driving on the road today?” This question is often enough to make his face light up and he approaches you, feeling that you are speaking in his language, which he loves and understands.

• Kindness: In the noble hadith, “Kindness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it distorts it.” In order for us to be able to apply kindness in our dealings with children, we need to control ourselves and calm down first, as children during their upbringing go through states of stubbornness and rebellion, and to confront that. With revolution and tension, parents lose the ability to behave properly, and the educator must prepare himself and train him to remain calm, and set limits for her that she does not exceed in reactions. It is useful to practice positive thinking that views children’s actions as natural behaviors that occur in all children and aim for learning. It needs guidance and training instead of considering it a transgression and a challenge to the will of the parents. If you happen to be carried away by your anger and go out to do something you regret, you must train yourself to apologize in order to change the message that your behavior conveys to your children.

• Consistency: All educational methods are of no use unless there is consistency in application. You must be consistent in what you command, what you forbid, and what you punish. Lack of consistency gives the child contradictory messages. When we allow the child to be late today, and forbid him tomorrow, we destroy what We built it from a system.

Finally, education today can no longer be left to the talents and capabilities of the parents. Rather, there must be qualification and preparation to acquire the parental skills that help parents perform their educational role efficiently. The fruit is not a body, it is a promising future generation.

Dr.. Sahar bint Abdul Latif Kurdi

Family and child counselor