Developing children's self-confidence

Developing children's self-confidence

My interlocutor asked me, “How do I develop my child’s self-confidence?” Her colleague intervened and said, “I heard that the word self-confidence is one of the negative imported terms that should be avoided. What do you think?” I understood what she meant and learned that the problem lies in two things: in the content of the concept of self-confidence and the implications attached to it that are not part of it, and in the cultural residue that distorts the meaning of humility and makes among its necessities the humiliation and disparagement of the self and the denial of its competence. In this sense, self-confidence is either contradictory to the humility that we are commanded or synonymous with. Because of the arrogance and arrogance that we have forbidden, and therefore it is necessary to clarify what is meant by self-confidence.

When we as parents or teachers talk about the need to develop self-confidence, what is often meant is the positive feeling that the child should have about himself and about the acceptance of others. Children who have a healthy type of self-confidence feel that their parents love them, care about their affairs, and rejoice in their happiness. They feel sad about any harm that befalls them, and miss them if they are absent, and they have a positive perception of themselves and their skills. In contrast to children who suffer from low self-confidence, as they believe that no one loves them, cares about them, or does anything for them, they have a negative perception of themselves, as they see that they are not good at doing anything and underestimate themselves and their skills.

Researchers have agreed that the most important factor in developing self-confidence comes from parents and other adults around the child who play an important role in laying the foundation for this trait. They must take the following things into consideration if they want to develop children’s self-confidence:

✓ Emphasizing love and acceptance: In the first years of life, children derive their idea of ​​themselves and their confidence in them from the quality of the bond that connects them with the educators around them. When they provide care for them with love and smiles, not with complaining or burdensomeness, they feel loved and that they have status and importance. Among the methods that make children feel loved are:

1. Clear expression of love and appreciation: We may sometimes express it fleetingly or with some indifference, and then appreciation loses its flavor. In the evening, as you caress your children before bed, mention to each of them the positive achievements they achieved during the day, and make them feel your love and their importance in your life, as mothers often get carried away. Underneath her feeling of fatigue, she makes expressions that make her children feel that they are a burden to her and that she is waiting for them to sleep in order to get rid of their troubles and annoyances. Sometimes this is done in a non-verbal way through her hurried manner, her sullen expression, and her short words.

2. Always show enthusiasm when your son achieves an achievement in which he has put in a lot of effort, such as having learned a skill that he had not mastered before, or being able to build a new form of construction and installation toys, or achieving progress in his grade in one of the academic subjects.

3. Pay attention to the son, look into his eyes, and listen carefully when he speaks. This gives him a sense of his importance. If your son shows interest in something you do, involve him in it as much as possible, and if he shows interest in an animal in the environment, help him learn more about it, as responding seriously to his interests enhances his self-confidence.

4. Ask your son and consult him, as you will encourage him to care, express and participate, and make your son feel that his ideas and opinions are important and that he will find you with a listening ear. This issue gains special importance when children reach adolescence, as it opens the way for them to talk to their parents about the problems they face.

✓ Appreciation instead of praise: Praise when he makes a great effort to achieve something, such as studying, helping, or adhering to the system, provided that this praise is specific, such as saying, “I like the shape of the mountain in this painting of yours and the color of the flowers,” instead of saying, “It is a wonderful painting. You are a brilliant painter.” .

✓ Focus on good behaviors: Take the opportunity and observe the good behaviors that your son is performing (as our attention is often focused on the wrong behaviors) and praise him for his action. You did well when you lifted this toy from the “floor.” “It was a wonderful job that you quickly got up when you saw him tripping.” Your sister, by praising these behaviors, you open the way for more of them.

✓ Providing support in situations of failure: Encourage your son in situations of failure in which he made an effort and was unable to win, just as you encourage him in situations of success. Make him feel that your love and care continue, whatever the circumstances, and highlight the points that indicate his seriousness and effort, and when the crisis ends, encourage him to identify the areas of error. I explained to him that a person learns from failure situations, as they guide him to the aspects that he should pay attention to in future situations.

✓ Beware of reprimand, as it does not bring anything good, but rather eats the buds of confidence before they blossom. When we tell a child, “You are impolite or impolite,” we are imprinting on the child a quality through which he sees himself and acts according to it. It is correct to separate the child from the negative behavior he carries out, so we tell him, for example: “I made a mistake by throwing toys on the ground. I am angry at this behavior and I know that you can do better next time.”

Developing self-confidence is easy to implement, but it requires knowledge and awareness of the effects of the actions we take, such as the desire to develop self-confidence in children. Many parents want to develop self-confidence in their children, but they do not know how to do that, so you see them thinking that enabling the son to win Always, or exaggerating in praise for the good behavior he does that would achieve the goal, but such behavior may develop in the son an inflated image of himself, where his self is more appreciated, more deserving of winning, and more deserving of being presented, resulting in a selfish, domineering, and arrogant personality, and parents often fall into disbelief. Such a mistake in raising male children. There is a fine line between a sense of competence due to the presence of certain skills or characteristics, which is a healthy indicator, and a general feeling of distinction and entitlement, which is an unhealthy indicator.

It is worth pointing out the actions or practices that the educator should avoid if he wants to develop self-confidence among his children, the most important of which are:

✓ Very high or very low expectations. When we expect a child to perform beyond his ability or expect a weak performance that is not commensurate with his capabilities, we weaken his self-confidence.

✓ Misconceptions about self-confidence and humility and avoiding common expressions when praising such as “I did not do something to deserve praise,” or other expressions that we sometimes use in response to those who thank us or praise us when we perform a service or provide a favor.

✓ Yelling at children, blaming them, and criticizing them, especially when this happens in the presence of others.

✓ Describing children with negative descriptions, such as stupid or disappointed.

✓ Negative comment on children’s mistakes: “You are always like this, you will never succeed, nothing good will ever come of you.”

✓ Excessive praise or admiration may arouse doubt in the child and disbelief in these exaggerations, making him wonder: Am I really a genius? Am I an artist to this extent? In addition to what was mentioned above, it creates an unrealistic image of oneself.

We must remember that self-confidence is an important foundation if we want to develop strong personalities who can work for their religion, help their society, and contribute to creating a better future, and that its foundation is care that is based on love and kindness, and at the same time stability and control.

Dr.. Sahar bint Abdul Latif Kurdi

Family and child counselor