Educating the dream child

Teaching a child to dream

One of the novice writers said to his veteran friend: How do you deal with the negative responses to your articles, which I find to be harsh and painful, and I do not think I can bear them? The writer replied: The first thing I do is not to let it bother me. This was not easy in the beginning. It took me quite a while, during which I was motivated by my natural desire to protect myself and respond to attempts to harm me. The discouragers and the aggressive are always present and everywhere. The soul must be settled on. Maintaining its stability and launch and extracting what benefits it.

We and our children are exposed in daily life, at home, school, and in social life, to situations of criticism, injustice, or abuse. Your child often returns from school frustrated and sad, complaining about Zaid or slaves who hurt him with words or behavior. Since this is one of the rules of life and the necessities of dealing with people with their various characteristics, it is necessary to have a dream.

Some people may think that the dream is not to get angry, and since this is actually the dream, it is a rare characteristic in humans that is difficult for most of them to learn. God Almighty praised the believers and mentioned among their qualities “those who restrain anger and pardon people.” He did not tell us that they do not get angry, but He said that they They suppress their anger, and any person can do what they do if he struggles with himself and asks for help from his Lord.

A dream is a psychological force that keeps its owner in control when his self is exposed to the harm that provokes it, so he does not deviate or deviate from its framework and principles. It is a combination of self-control and tolerance.

Perhaps the best thing we can give our children is to train them in this quality that God and His Messenger love and which is the basis for a person’s happiness and psychological health. Among the things needed to achieve this are:

✓ To constantly tell our children stories from the life of the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, who, despite his power and status, was the dreamest of people, and the history of the historical models that abound in our Islamic heritage. The child is also influenced by the stories and realistic situations experienced by parents or other relatives, which represent the quality of a dream.

✓ To work on correcting the idea that not responding in kind to the aggressor is considered weakness and cowardice by explaining his saying, “The strong is not the one who is strong, but the strong is the one who controls himself when angry.” One of the funny things I encountered regarding the idea of ​​children and their concept of strength is that one day I was playing with my son and he ate two. One of the dolls that represent characters of warriors. He said to me, “You are the good person and I am the bad guy.” I said: “Why can’t we both be good and be friends?” He said: “No, this will not work. I love the role of the strong, and the bad guy is the strong.” Our children see strength in the title, which is the idea that the cartoons chant about We must correct the concepts.

✓ To raise ourselves first to dream so that our children learn it. If we revolt and get angry when someone skips us in line, when someone passes us in traffic, and when someone makes a mistake against us, and we do not try to control ourselves, suppress our anger, and explain our rights without revolt, then the expectation is that this is what our children will learn, no matter how hard we try. We teach them otherwise.

✓ To accustom ourselves and our children to constantly praying for people’s goodness. If the neighbors’ children offend us, we humbly pray to God to guide them and make them facilitators of goodness. If we see a reckless young man driving his car crazy, we sincerely pray for him that God will guide him and make him the apple of his parents’ eyes. Whoever carries these feelings for people will find it easy. He must pardon them.

✓ When your child says that a colleague of his keeps insulting him and belittling him, it is useful to explain to him the following:

• You have the right to be angry. The noble verse did not tell us that they do not get angry, but they act intelligently. They suppress their anger and are not satisfied with that, but rather they forget the offense until it is erased from their souls and remains pure and unharmed. Thus, the son has understood the meaning of the dream, and it is an important step in learning this trait.

• When a person hurts others, he does so because he was raised in an abnormal way, or because of a disorder or problem related to him and not to the other party. He may be frustrated or bored and want to find something to entertain him by harming others, or he may have been raised in this way even if it was not in front of him. At that time, he would have insulted others.

• The response to such a person often comes with the motive of proving him wrong. If your colleague tells you that you are weak, “You are nono,” do you need to prove that he is wrong? By responding to him, you are giving him importance that he does not deserve.

• Repeating the story and repeating the words of anger inflames the anger (it is important for the child to tell the story and for us to hear him, and we must listen with sympathy, and make him imagine the goal that the aggressor is aiming for. However, we should be aware that repeating words of hatred and anger conflicts with suppressing anger and hinders forgiveness, and we must not We leave the field open. Once the position is clarified, we try to turn the tide of the conversation.

Negative feelings go beyond the situation in which they occur and spread throughout the person’s being, disturbing his mood, affecting his behavior in other situations, and harming his mental and physical health. We should not train ourselves and our children to limit the impact of these feelings on ourselves and adopt the quality of forbearance.

Dr.. Sahar bint Abdul Latif Kurdi

Family and child counselor