How to instil optimism in children

How do we make our children more optimistic?

We were in the car on the road, and my daughter found a CD of a cartoon in the chair’s closet. She was happy about it and said, “We’ll spend some time watching it.” The little boy quickly said, “It won’t work.”

My daughter looked at him annoyed: Why do you say that?!! Rather, it will work, God willing. The little boy kept looking suspiciously while she was trying to play it enthusiastically, and the movie started and she turned to her brother admonishing, See!!!

Previous experiences and situations play a role in our souls and we have convictions that take root among some of us, becoming a hypothetical idea that makes us expect the results of different situations in light of them, while those experiences take their natural place for others, so that their results become one of the assumptions for the results of situations and events and not the first of them. What's the reason? Why do these people resort to the worst previous experiences to make it their default choice in interpreting situations and predicting their results!? The reason is the fear of disappointment, they do not want to expect happy results and then they are not. Can we raise our children so that they expect the best and that the fear of disappointment does not make them paint their lives and the lives of others around them with a dark color that expects the worst results under the pretext of realism, and they see it as the right path?

Here is a question that has posed itself in scientific circles: What made a group of people think in an optimistic way and see that every problem has a solution, and that every person has a role in solving their problems and confronting their events? Did they inherit or acquire these traits? Is optimism a hereditary trait? The truth is that there is research evidence that there is a link between the optimism of parents and the optimism of children, and that we begin our lives with enthusiasm and optimism always expecting good, then bad experiences come and educational directives come, which take effect in shaping our attitudes and expectations. The negative pessimistic parent greatly affects the way children interpret events, and the results of cognitive therapy on samples of pessimists prove that we can change the way we talk to ourselves about events and how we interpret them, which has a direct impact on the emotions that appear in our responses to situations.

Optimism is considered the cornerstone of perseverance and the basis for achieving success in any field. Studies confirm that optimists who believe that they will succeed are more capable of actually achieving success. Optimism pushes them to persevere until the goal is achieved, and they are also less susceptible to diseases and more capable of establishing successful social relationships. It has also been found that centenarians often have the trait of optimism.

When you follow difficult circumstances, you want your child to see that these circumstances are not permanent and are not directed at him and his family alone, and that he can work to improve the events and circumstances and that good will come after them. Otherwise, why pull himself together and continue making the effort?

There are things that we must pay attention to when raising our children in the spirit of optimism:

Our religion and faith strongly direct us to positive thinking and expectation of goodness, and connect causes for us with causes, so nothing happens except with wisdom and purpose, so we should raise ourselves and our children in that way.

• Pay attention to the way they think about confronting events. Is the cup half full or half empty? Observe your son’s feelings when a negative situation occurs. Is he seen as a model for the events he expects in his life? “Yes, this is what I expected. Things always go this way.” Do It is believed that it is intended for bad events and nothing else (why does this happen to me in particular). If it turns out that your son is pessimistic, you can teach him optimism.

• Confront pessimism: Pessimism can be defined as the expectation that bad things will happen. Pessimists think catastrophically, “I will not have friends in this new school.”

• Overcome the four pessimistic thoughts: always, generalization, personalization, helplessness and helplessness.

• Teach your child optimism: The most important idea in positive thinking is that you perceive events in the way you choose. You can see them as an ordeal and you can see them as a blessing. Help your son to realize that events have nothing to do with each other, meaning that if he fails in one thing, it is not necessary that he will fail in another, and that The event that happened to him could happen to others, and he is able to face it and handle the situation.

• Help the son learn optimistic thinking that includes the following three ideas:

o There are steps I can take to confront the situation.

o There are reasons for the events that happen.

o The cause leads to the result, and this is constant in events.

• Confront negative self-talk with three steps suggested by the pioneers of cognitive psychotherapy, which are: Be aware of these conversations, keep them away from yourself, try to contradict them, meaning resist them, and try to replace them with other positive thoughts.

• Be a role model of optimism, watch your actions; Do you say, for example, that we will not arrive in time? I knew this would happen. What you reflect will be integrated into your child’s cognitive system daily. If you want your child to learn optimism, you must be more optimistic yourself.

• There is a close connection between success and optimism. Let your children experience success by completing their tasks on their own at an early age, and work to enhance this success and link it to the cause, which is their diligence.

Dr.. Sahar bint Abdul Latif Kurdi

Family and child counselor