The role of grandfather or grandmother in the life of grandchildren

The role of the grandmother in the lives of grandchildren

I met my friend who had just returned from a trip during which she attended the birth of her daughter’s first grandchildren, so I congratulated her and said to her: Congratulations on entering the world of grandmothers. How did you find their saying, “There is nothing more precious than a child than a child’s son?” She said: With great happiness, it is a wonderful world... when your role transitions from mother to mother. To Jeddah, the job description of your mission changes, so your main goal is no longer to care for the child, but to provide love and enjoy the feelings of motherhood without its burden. Therefore, I believe that this saying is true to a large extent, and my interpretation of the additional comfort is that it is pure motherhood, free from the trouble and pain of childbirth and from the daily educational burdens and responsibilities.

I stopped to wonder what the role of grandparents are in the lives of grandchildren?

The presence of grandparents adds educational dimensions and an emotional atmosphere that enriches the lives of grandchildren, helps parents in their task, and relieves them of many educational burdens. Grandmothers enjoy a warm embrace and experience, which makes them the best help in health and educational consultations in which young mothers are confused. On the other hand, grandchildren provide grandparents with a new vision of the world through young, inquisitive eyes and opportunities for renewal and psychological recovery. Even if the grandfather or grandmother does not live in the house or is close to someone who does, it is possible to maintain the strength of the relationship with the children through various means of communication.

In our current era, the image of grandfather and grandmother has changed, and it is no longer the traditional image as shown in old stories and pictures: an elderly man or woman residing with the family and devoting herself to tales and stories. Today, there is still a grandfather or grandmother who lives at home, lives nearby, or visits for long or short periods, and most of them are busy with work or activities. Commercial or social, most of them sit behind computer screens and communicate through various electronic means. Therefore, the circumstances in which the role of the grandfather or grandmother in the children’s lives can be determined - or their desire to do so - differ according to their ages, level of education, profession, and social obligations. Therefore, it is important to create opportunities to strengthen The relationship with the grandfather or grandmother, regardless of the circumstances in which they live, so that the children are not deprived of the opportunity to benefit emotionally and educationally from the experience and wisdom of the grandparents, and so that the grandparents are not deprived of the opportunity to live with the children and the feelings of joy and happiness that they need to alleviate the pressures of life, and so that the feeling of who they were will remain. The older of them is that he still has complete hearing and sight, both adults and children return to him. Among the most prominent things that help strengthen the bond with the grandparents:

• Make sure to consult them constantly about health or educational matters, even if they seem simple matters, as they indicate a connection and a need. For example, when the daughter has a party for people’s clothing, the grandmother can be consulted about her opinion about the outfit that the daughter can wear.

• Accustom the children to always be in contact with them if they are not living at home, and give them the opportunity to make phone calls and direct them to express love, write cards, send text messages and pictures, and offer their services to provide any assistance.

• Participate in shared activities or hobbies; There are those who prefer to have their grandchildren visit it at the end of the week to practice swimming together, and some of them prefer to take them on an outing. It is nice to teach the children some of the skills that the grandfather or great-grandfather is good at, such as drawing, calligraphy, artistic works, taking care of the garden, or working with hooks and wool. This could be suggested as follows: We say, for example: “Zeina brought a crochet hook to learn this skill from her grandmother,” or playing traditional group games. Participating in interests and activities is an important thing in strengthening relationships and creating beautiful shared memories. I still remember that day when my grandmother, may God have mercy on her, shared the game of “skipping rope” with us. We laughed a lot and applauded her with great happiness. What a beautiful time my beloved mother spends with her grandchildren, challenging their abilities with planning games. From these various activities, children learn many values ​​and social skills.

In order for the role of the grandfather or grandmother to be utilized in the family’s life in the best way, it is preferable to agree on the following:

• Identifying the role that the grandfather or grandmother wants to play in the grandchildren’s lives and the extent to which he or she can tolerate it, visits, trips, overnight stays on weekends, etc., according to age, health condition, and mood; Parents often depend on the grandparents to the point of burdening them, which leads to them withdrawing and feeling distressed and disturbed. They may not disclose this and tolerate it reluctantly.

• Consistency in the educational method and laws applied to children’s misbehaviors, especially in cases of daily meetings or continuous residence with grandparents. So that children are not exposed to unstable upbringing, and beware of excessive pampering.

• Agreement on buying gifts: One of the enjoyable things for many grandmothers is buying gifts and sweets and bestowing them on their grandchildren, which has bad health and educational repercussions. Therefore, it is necessary to agree on the type and amount of gifts and sweets, taking into account the feelings of the grandmother or grandfather and requesting their cooperation in preserving the health and behavior of the children. By emphasizing simplicity, the grandparents may bestow precious gifts on the first grandchildren that they cannot do with those who come after them, which raises jealousy among the grandchildren.

وأخI think that maintaining family meetings in this time and the connection of grandchildren with grandfather or grandmother and family in general has become a challenge that parents must face. Electronics of all kinds have captured the interest of children and young people to the point that you will hardly see one of them during visits or meetings unless he is caressing his screen, distracted by those around him. . Perhaps the first necessary step in this regard is to set controls on the time that children spend in front of screens, and to ensure that family visits and meetings are not accompanied by any kind of electronic games, in order to open the way for social communication and make room for family elders to give of their experience and wisdom.

Dr.. Sahar bint Abdul Latif Kurdi

Family and child counselor