Understanding individual differences

Educational skills

What should parents know about individual differences between children?

Mothers often ask about the reason for the difference in characteristics between children: Why does my daughter look completely different from her sister even though the parenting style is the same? This one is very shy, and the other one is socially outgoing. She participates in school activities and interacts well with people on social occasions and situations. Another asks, “I am surprised by my son’s poor reading skill, as his sister, who is two years younger than him, is good at reading better than him.”

Differences in mental, social and emotional skills, and differences between the sexes, parents must realize and know that comparing children is like saying: Why is rotana different from sugar? Aren’t they both from palm fruits?

The wisdom of God Almighty required that children be born equipped with personal characteristics that differ just as the types of each gender differ, and even more. There are several factors that share their influence on development in its various forms - physical, social, emotional and mental. Most parents believe that personal characteristics are determined by the environment, unlike physical characteristics that heredity plays a role in. It has the greatest role, and therefore it is important to emphasize that the personality of children is also affected by genetics through the inherited predisposition that constitutes fertile ground for the emergence of behavioral patterns and characteristics that differ between children despite the same environment and upbringing.

Children inherit, through genetic genes and the glandular system with which they are born, a predisposition to certain characteristics and behaviors. It has been shown that there are differences between newborn children that cannot be attributed to the environment:

• Sensation and adaptation: Children’s responses to touch and sounds vary, and their ability to adapt to new circumstances, such as school, for example, varies.

• General activity, sharpness or ease of printing.

There are three patterns that distinguish children and appear clear from the first weeks of life:

▪ The easy-going child: eats and sleeps regularly, and is quick to adapt to new foods and experiences.

▪ Slow-acting: Tends to withdraw when exposed to new experience and shows a low degree of activity.

▪ Difficult child style: They do not eat and sleep regularly, they adapt slowly to new experiences, their reactions are characterized by violence, and their outbursts of anger increase.

▪ The rest of the children show a mixture of the three patterns.

Personality and the behavioral patterns it contains are the result of the interaction between genetic factors and environmental factors, and genetic characteristics may give different results under different environmental conditions.

• The easy-going child is prepared to adapt to situations and people easily, but difficult family circumstances can harm his ability to adapt.

• The difficult child is less prepared to adapt, but the cohesive and warm family atmosphere enables him to overcome many of the obstacles to adjustment.

Regarding the differences between the genders of sons and daughters, I will mention some examples of these differences to motivate us to recognize individual differences and take them into account in our dealings with children. They can be divided as follows:

Differences in mental characteristics: Studies indicate that linguistic ability, among the mental abilities, is what has been proven as one of the clear differences between sons and daughters. It has been shown that it develops faster in girls, as their linguistic abilities appear earlier than in sons and grow faster, which explains the disparity in mental characteristics. The ability to express, read, or other linguistic skills.

Differences in social characteristics: Both sons and daughters have a different behavioral pattern in social situations. If we review the following results shown by some studies, some aspects of this difference become clear to us. In a study conducted to monitor social behavior in play situations, it was found that girls play in small groups with an emphasis on the spirit of cooperation. Be careful to avoid aggression while the boys play in larger groups. They emphasize the spirit of competition and take pride in their independence and roughness. When one of the participants playing in the girls’ group is injured, the playing stops and they turn to comforting and helping the injured person. As for the boys’ group, the comforting does not force them to stop playing, which explains the complaint of many mothers. Due to the lack of sympathetic behavior shown by many children, some studies have indicated that most boys are not able to fake laughter in a situation that requires it, unlike girls, many of whom are able to do so, which confirms their superiority in emotional participation when the situation requires it.

Differences in emotional characteristics: Boys resist and insist on practicing independent behaviors even if it requires confrontation, while girls are forced to give up some independent activities in order to preserve the relationship. In emotional situations, girls need someone to talk to them, and boys need someone to give them a space of privacy. The son may come from school looking agitated and nervous, so we insist on asking him and expect him to tell us everything that happened as soon as we ask about it. Our children need to give them some time until they become receptive to the story of the situation.

It must be noted that these differences are mostly general and do not apply to all cases.

From the above, the importance of parents’ awareness of the individual differences between children to ensure sound upbringing becomes clear. What this awareness requires can be summarized in two important matters that must be taken into account in our educational practices, which are:

▪ Encouraging difference and not comparing children of the same sex or gender. Our methods should not lead to what encourages imitation, such as some common expressions, “Do like “so-and-so,” or “You are now like so-and-so.” It is better to encourage children within Their potential and personal abilities.

▪ Setting expectations in light of individual differences, so that we do not build similar hopes and ambitions among children. God Almighty gave us an example from Himself in His saying, “No soul is burdened with more than it can bear.” Justice requires not expecting an act that does not fall within the capabilities and capabilities of children.

Finally, we educators must realize that difference is one of the laws of God Almighty in His creation, and it is what gives life its richness and diversity of roles, and we must do everything in our power to exploit this difference and develop the distinct characteristics it requires among children, so that talents and abilities develop in the best way.

Dr.. Sahar bint Abdul Latif Kurdi

Family and child counselor