Values How to instill them in our children

Values: How do we instill them in our children?

On National Day, a group of our countrymen celebrated chaotically and wreaked havoc on the property of their beloved country, and every day we see behavior that confuses us. Public places and roads shock us with scenes of waste that their owners throw out of car windows, or leave in parks. They park their cars in front of stores. They impound other people's cars or obstruct traffic, and they may get angry if someone objects to their behavior!!! People pass by each other, and you can hardly see a smile or a greeting except from those you know.

We wonder and turn around in search of answers that have become urgent. Where is the problem? Why do people in our Islamic society act contrary to the values ​​we believe in and advocate? We are amazed by societies that we see applying the values ​​of our religion more than we do. Why do we find that knowledge of the vocabulary of values ​​and their meanings makes us happy and actions that are far from them displease us?

Where do we start to find the solution? Let us delve a little into the world of values.

The idea of ​​values ​​is based on giving value to things, ideas, and behaviors, and when they grow, they determine people’s preferences and what they are keen to adhere to, define the concepts of truth, rightness, justice, and beauty, and link behaviors to feelings and ideas.

Values ​​serve as criteria for determining choices in situations:

What is best in this situation?

What is most beneficial?

What is more correct?

The answer to these questions in the situations that individuals experience determines a person's values.

Values ​​have a classification based on the dealing party, which can be summarized into four as follows:

I and I: It includes the qualities that a person exercises alone without the need for others; Such as: cleanliness, dignity, diligence, perseverance, steadfastness, courage, self-reliance, excellence, hope, and contemplation.

You and I: It includes qualities that require interaction between two people; Such as respect, obedience, humility, and tolerance.

Me and society: qualities that involve interaction with a larger number of individuals, such as: empathy, justice, peace, dialogue, cooperation.

I and my Creator: It includes the qualities by which an individual deals with his Creator, such as: worship, gratitude, sincerity, and witnessing rewards and blessings.

Values ​​have important characteristics that must be taken into account if we want to work on developing them, which are:

• Instilled early in life

• Resistant to change.

• It is instilled by the people we deal with directly and who are important to us, the first of whom are parents and teachers.

• It is acquired through example and example, not through words and indoctrination.

There is no doubt that our behavior within the family is a microcosm of values. Therefore, if we want to build the values ​​of our children, we must restore to the family its role in modeling values, and so that the children do not feel that there is a gap between what they learn and what they see of the behaviors of those close to them. I was with my children in one of the malls and there were some activities for children and my daughter stood in the room. The queue was waiting for its turn, and I saw a wonder. A father whispers in his daughter’s ear that she should go to the first of the queue and sneak past the others, and he watches her from a distance with an encouraging, supportive smile, and a mother raises the barrier so that her daughter can pass to the front, a role of consideration for those waiting.

These people do not realize the magnitude of the value loss they cause to their children. If we stopped and analyzed this situation to know what values ​​collapse under these actions, we would find that the most prominent of them is: patience. It is as if they are teaching their children not to be patient when the road to achieving their goal seems long, to respect others; It is as if they are teaching them not to value those who stand waiting for their turn, justice; It is as if they are training their children to take what is not theirs, and here it is the role of others and to disrupt people’s interests, the feeling of others: as if they make their children feel that what is important is themselves and that they do not pay attention to others, their feelings and their rights.

The most important aspects that should be focused on in instilling values ​​are:

• Role model: Values, as we mentioned, are not acquired through indoctrination.

• Reading the biography of the Prophet and the Noble Qur’an and discussing their contents with my children. Yesterday, I was reading Surah Al-Kahf with my children. We went through the story of Moses and Al-Khidr, and we noticed the manners of Moses and his apology for not being able to be patient with the strange situations he was witnessing. “Do not hold me accountable for what I have forgotten...”

• Emphasis on taking responsibility for mistakes and holding children accountable for that.

• Using daily events and situations to discuss with children, what if you were in the place of so-and-so in situations that represent behavioral applications of values, and using personal situations to criticize oneself and discuss what is right, wrong, and what is best in an atmosphere of transparency and admitting error in the event of haste or overstepping in dealing with situations.

• Training children to be patient and to challenge difficulties: through training to complete the tasks they have begun and correct the mistakes they have committed.

• Training children to provide services and help others, and to make them happy... such as befriending a new student who does not know school or who is shy, opening the door for those behind him, especially for adults and needy people who push a cart or carry things, and if it is possible to visit some patients in hospitals or nursing homes, this will be part of Things that really stimulate the spirit of sensitivity and cooperation with others.

• Paying attention to what our children watch on television and the Internet: they have become the means that most influence children’s values. Selection must be made and viewing times must be reduced to the least possible. Watching must be in an open place and there should be no special devices in rooms or far away places. At home, I keep all the computers in one room, and we work together at certain times, and then the time available for the computer ends and the children go off to other work.

• Celebrating the good behavior of children and making them feel concerned when they behave well is a must if we want to see Salloum repeated over and over again until it is established and continues. “You were kind to the neighbor’s son... I spoke to the guard with respect... I liked your initiative to pick up the child who fell from His bike and his help... I was extremely happy watching you play with your sister calmly and understandingly.”

The importance of instilling values ​​is highlighted in our era that is open to the world and to technology. Values ​​create a filtering system that filters what is accepted from what is rejected and left out. We will not always be there for our children as they find electronic devices everywhere. In homes, toy stores, clubs, and cafes, there must be internal touchstones that they can refer to. Communication with children and dialogue is the whole point in developing values. Through it, children grow in their sense of respect for themselves and others and love of justice and goodness for all people. Parents must not let the concerns of life take them away. For their children, it is necessary to set regular daily times for the children to participate in work and tasks, as through this interaction values ​​are established.

Dr.. Sahar bint Abdul Latif Kurdi

Family and child counselor