Developing children's emotional intelligence

Publish Date : 2024-06-25

Parents are fully aware of the importance of providing their children with cognitive skills that help them succeed in their educational journey and in their lives in general, but what some of them do not realize is that children also need to be equipped with skills that help them control their emotions. They must be helped to understand and regulate emotions and use them well in situations. Skills are to develop their confidence, maintain their health, raise their academic performance, and help them form successful friendships and social relationships. Our children need to manage anxiety and stress to survive in large projects and projects, they need to manage anger to deal with marital conflict situations, they need to manage fear to apply for jobs and create initiatives, and they need to manage sadness to recover from crises.

Children go out into a new, dazzling world that they want to explore. They run around happily. They cry if they encounter an obstacle that prevents them from exploring. They throw their toys to find out where they are and what they are doing. This is accompanied by emotional outbursts in which educators are confused about the correct behavior they should follow. Experts believe that these situations are the best in teaching children how to manage their strong, unruly emotions and calm themselves. There is no doubt that a family atmosphere in which feelings of security prevail. It is the best place to learn these life lessons. As John Gottman, author of the book How to Raise a Child with Emotional Intelligence, said: “When we help children understand their rebellious feelings, such as anger, frustration, and oppression, we develop their emotional intelligence.”

Perhaps the basic skill upon which all other skills in developing emotional intelligence are based is the skill of looking at things from the perspective of others. We must learn, and our children must learn, to take the perspective of others. Take, for example, this situation: A child is preparing a sheet and pillows and changing the places of the tables in the hall. The mother comes and sees this as a corruption of order and a spread of chaos. If she had put herself in the little girl’s place, she would have seen something different. The little girl wanted to prepare a place similar to a house in which she would receive her parents, and she had put some sweets in the plate for hospitality. She did not expect her mother to get angry and scold her. How many times have others wanted something and we have seen the opposite? We may come back and apologize, or we may go further and accuse them of being the reason because they were not clear.

Among the important skills that help us in developing the emotional intelligence of our children are the following:

Empathic listening: It is one of the most important reasons for developing emotional intelligence. When a daughter tells a situation that affected her at school and says angrily, “The teacher does not care about me,” we should say: It is a painful feeling when the teacher does not care. Instead of hastily saying: It doesn't matter, focus on your lessons and you don't need to pay attention to them. Here the daughter will feel that there is no point in talking to us because we do not understand what she is saying.
Helping the child to name his feelings: It is difficult for young children to describe and name what they feel, and it is important to help them name the feelings. When he is upset because his brother preceded him in his mother’s arms, he becomes angry and does not know the nature of what he feels. We can teach the child through some activities, such as This is a game that identifies emotions. We ask the child a question and he chooses from the emotional faces what suits him. When my brother precedes me into my mother’s arms, I feel... The child chooses a picture, and it can be more than one picture because there are complex feelings in a situation of jealousy. He chooses sadness and anger, for example.

Appreciating emotions and not denying them: When a child is afraid on the first day of school, many parents make a mistake when they say there is nothing to be afraid of in an attempt to reduce the child’s fears. However, denying the emotion does not lead to reducing it, but rather it must be acknowledged and understood. It is necessary to emphasize He thinks this feeling is not strange, as a person feels lonely in places he does not know, and we use examples of situations from our lives in which we were afraid and then the situation was easy. When he gets angry because he was unable to put together his game, it is necessary to acknowledge that a person becomes oppressed when something he wants to achieve is difficult for him, but screaming or violent movements only make things worse.
Turning emotional outbursts into educational opportunities: When a son is afraid and cries because he has a doctor’s appointment, this situation should be dealt with with a calm explanation of what the doctor does, and what is expected of him during the visit. We can tell a similar situation from our lives and that my cousin, for example, had a role in it. Help me accept it.
Taking advantage of conflict situations to teach children the skill of problem solving: When a son hits his brother because he took his car, we say to God, “You are angry because he took your car, but it is not acceptable for you to hit him. What can you do if he takes your car again?”
Role model: Our behavior towards a child’s emotional outbursts should not include uttering profanity or insults, but rather be an expression of our feeling, “This behavior of yours makes me angry,” instead of saying, “You are making me crazy, you are such and such.” The son must know that the problem is in his behavior and not In his person.

He can see through the model that emotions, no matter how overwhelming they are, there are ways to direct them to serve the situation instead of spoiling it.

The bottom line is that emotions, like raw material, exist in their primary form and need to be refined. God entrusted them to lead man and push him to learning and production. If they are received with understanding and care, they will blossom with determination, perseverance, and success. If they are met with oppression and suppression, the soul will lose its motivation and helplessness will seep into it. We must provide Our children have an environment that helps them benefit from the blessing of emotions and direct them for the benefit of the person, his family, and society.

Developing children's emotional intelligence

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